“The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent, everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinion for or against. The struggle of what one likes and what one dislikes is the disease of the mind.” – Sengstan, Hsin Hsin Ming
We all have preferences. It’s part of being human. We like this, we dislike that. We want more of this; we wish that would go away. Nothing wrong with any of it—until those preferences start to run the show.
What Sengstan is pointing to here isn’t about becoming indifferent or passive. He’s not saying “don’t care about anything.” He’s pointing to the grip we often don’t even notice we have—the tight hold on what should be happening “in order” for us to feel okay.
That’s where the trouble starts.
We suffer not because something didn’t go our way, but because we needed it to go our way “in order” to feel good. The more tightly we hold onto those likes and dislikes, the more we demand the world to match our picture of how it should be. And the moment it doesn’t? We struggle. We tighten up. We lose the peace and clarity that were already available before our preferences stepped in.
It’s like trying to walk through life carrying a suitcase full of “I like this, I don’t like that,” and wondering why everything feels so heavy.
But here’s something worth exploring: What happens if you carry less?
You don’t have to throw the whole suitcase out the window, just for today, set it down. Notice what it feels like not to be ruled by whether something is comfortable or uncomfortable, liked or disliked. You might find something quieter underneath. Something more spacious. Something true.
Reflection Exercise:
Here’s a gentle invitation to notice whether your preferences are quietly running the show.
Take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle.
On the left side, write down five things you strongly prefer in your day-to-day life—people behaving a certain way, tasks being done a certain way, and circumstances showing up the way you like.
On the right side, ask yourself for each:
- What happens when this preference isn’t met?
- How do I react?
- Is there stress, frustration, or tension?
- What would it be like if I didn’t need this to be any particular way, “in order” to be okay?
Don’t overthink it. Just notice. You’re not trying to fix anything. You’re simply bringing awareness to where you may be a little tangled up. And sometimes, that awareness alone is enough to loosen the grip.
Go light today. Try walking without needing everything to match your picture. You can always go back.
But see what shows up when you don’t.
Big hugs,
Just for fun, listen to these two songs that relate to “letting go.”
Kesha reflects on freeing herself from the weight of past hurts, forgiving her younger self, and rediscovering joyful innocence—mirroring the blog’s invitation to loosen the grip of preferences and habitual patterns ew.com pitchfork.com
This song speaks to trusting your inner guidance rather than clinging to external expectations or personal biases. It aligns with Sengstan’s wisdom about setting aside opinions and seeing truth clearly.
