It seems to me that many people use anniversaries or other significant dates to make a milestone change in their life.
New Year is probably the most used date for that.
“This New Year, (as opposed to the last one) I will…(fill in the blank).
It is beautiful to take a stand on something with the very powerful I AM statement.
I AM going to lose 30 pounds starting in the New Year.
I AM going to publish that book I always wanted to write.
I AM going to start that business I have been dreaming about for the last umpteen years.
They are all powerful statements, but the inherent trouble with taking a stand on anything is that the opposite is true too.
I AM not going to lose 30 pounds.
I AM not going to publish that book.
Both are true statements as they are both very possible outcomes.
We are very poor predictors of the future. If that was a skill in itself, and with all the predictions we make daily, one would think we would be better at it. We are not. No one can predict the future. We can think what the future might be like, but that is based on current known information, and since we know less than what we don’t know, we are limited on accuracy.
Sorry I got off on a tangent.
“Rick, I want to lose 30 pounds. What can I do?”
There are a couple of things that I have found helpful.
- Do you REALLY want this?
If you really wanted it, why are you not doing something about it now?
If you genuinely want it, why don’t you have it now?
At this point, various reasons and justifications will be spoken; all seem true. They are not. They are stories that we created, believing that they are true and merely acting according to them. Nothing wrong with that; we actually do that all the time. We are just not aware of when we are doing it.
- Why do you want it (or do this)?
It is a deeper, harder question to answer because, on the surface, it just seems like the right thing to do. My doctor says I need to. Culturally, skinnier people seem to do better. ( I made that up to make a point, it’s not true).
There is a wonderful exercise that I often walk clients through. It was first put together by Nathaniel Branden. It starts with a simple question repeated several times until you can’t answer it. Then you ask one more time.
The question is:
When I (whatever you want), I will…”
When I lose 30 pounds, I will be able to fit into my old clothes again.
I will not feel out of breath every time I bend down.
I will feel better about myself.
I will people will look at me differently.
I will be able to participate in activities I have always wanted to do.
I will be noticed.
You get the idea. Here is what’s interesting. Not all the time, but most of the time, the last answers have been:
I will be loved, and I will love myself better.
Is that not what we all want? To be loved not only by others but to love ourselves for who we are, and who we have become.
That leads me to three.
- BE that.
When I stopped smoking three packs of cigarettes a day, I did it cold turkey. It happened on News Year’s Eve, and when I woke up the next morning in the new year, I was a non-smoker. I didn’t smoke for nearly 15 years, then started up briefly, then reminded myself who I was and became a non-smoker again. That was over forty years ago.
People would say to me that I just had strong willpower. NO, I didn’t. What I had was a new understanding of how I was experiencing life.
Before, I thought I had to DO something or HAVE something (like willpower) to BE something, like a non-smoker.
I had to BE a non-smoker first. The rest fell into place.
Whenever I had a craving and many, I knew I could not light up because I was a non-smoker, and non-smokers don’t smoke. Period!
I BEcame a non-smoker and acted accordingly.
It is that simple for everything, and I have used that for anything.
You can have anything you want, you just have to really want it.Marvs Karn
The world works in a BE DO HAVE way, not a DO HAVE BE.
Innocently we have been trapped into thinking this way (Do-Have-Be). Look at the commercials. You will have more fun when you get skinnier – have fun now and see what happens. I will be a much better photographer when I get that perfect camera. No, you won’t if you’re not one now! When I get that bank account up, I can relax. Nope. Try letting go of that and just be in the moment, and magic happens.
Who am I BEing right now? (You are always BEing something)
Who do you have to BE?
Want something more in your life, BE that first and see what happens.
Want more love and understanding, BE love, BE one who understands and watches for the miracles in your life.
Thank you for reading.
May you all have a blessed life this coming New Year and for a New Year’s to come.
PS: 2023 will be the launch of a new coaching offer. I am calling it “The BE It Intensive” Three hours of straight intensive coaching with me (what possible could go right?) The focus is on BEcoming, discovering who you really are.
If you are interested in learning more, please subscribe to this blog and/or get on my mastermind mailing list. Anyone on that list gets discounts on any of my workshops.
PSS: As always, I do offer a complimentary coaching experience. It’s up to one hour on anything you want to work on, with no obligation to continue.