There are times when circumstances really do change.
Business slows down. Costs go up. A reliable customer disappears. A job becomes uncertain. The numbers no longer work the way they once did.
For many people right now, these aren’t hypothetical situations.
And sometimes circumstances require action.
Get the job. Change the business. Reduce expenses. Pivot. Stay the course. Try something different.
But before deciding what needs to change, there may be another question worth asking:
What are the facts, and what have I added to them?
The fact might be:
My business isn’t currently generating enough income to cover my expenses.
Then the mind gets involved.
It should be doing better by now.
Maybe I’m failing.
What if things get worse?
I need more security.
I can’t keep living with this uncertainty.
I have to do something.
Without noticing, we’ve moved from dealing with a circumstance to dealing with an entire story about it.
And the story can feel very real.
Especially when we’ve been thinking about it for a while.
But here’s something I’ve been pondering:
A recurring thought doesn’t become more true simply because it keeps recurring.
Nor does the uncomfortable feeling accompanying it prove the thought is true.
The feeling may simply be showing us how real that thinking looks to us in that moment.
That’s an important distinction.
Because now we may make a change in the outside world not simply because it makes practical sense, but because we’re hoping it will change how we feel on the inside.
And sometimes it appears to work.
We get the secure job and feel relieved.
We leave the relationship and feel lighter.
We cancel the commitment, and the anxiety disappears.
We make more money and finally relax.
It can look like proof that the circumstance was causing the feeling all along.
Until the mind finds something else to worry about.
None of this means we shouldn’t change our circumstances.
If the roof leaks, fix the roof.
If the numbers don’t work, look at the numbers.
If something no longer makes sense, change direction.
There is no prize for stubbornly staying the course simply because we once said we were “all in.”
But there may be considerable wisdom in that old Dragnet line:
“Just the facts, ma’am.” (From Sgt Joe Friday in Dragnet, actually said, “All we want are the facts, ma’am”. A bit of trivia for you.)
What is actually happening?
What do I actually know?
What meaning have I added?
And perhaps most importantly:
What would I do about this situation if I didn’t need my decision to make me feel better?
Maybe you still take the job.
Maybe you still close the business.
Maybe you stay.
Maybe you leave.
Maybe you discover an option you couldn’t see while trying to escape the uncertainty.
Changing direction isn’t necessarily failure.
Staying isn’t necessarily a commitment.
And feeling insecure isn’t necessarily evidence that your circumstances are wrong.
Sometimes the circumstances need changing.
Sometimes our thinking changes.
Sometimes both happen.
The freedom may lie in no longer having to fix the other.
Change the circumstances that make sense to change. Just be careful about asking them to change you.
Much Love,
Found an interesting podcast while doing searches to find relevant support material. This is from two guys, Mike and Blaine, of Beer, Business and BS.
What If That Wasn’t a Meteor? Reality, Meaning, & Making Decisions in Chaos
Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett offers another way of looking at how our brains construct emotional experience and why that understanding brings not only greater freedom but responsibility. Her TED Talk You Aren’t at the Mercy of Your Emotions — Your Brain Creates Them is excellent.
Her questions: Can you look at someone’s face and know what they’re feeling? Does everyone experience happiness, sadness and anxiety the same way? What are emotions anyway? Well, apparently not!
