I had to laugh when I overheard a couple talking the other day. It went something like this:

“You sure judge a lot.”

“Aren’t you judging me right now?”

“No, I’m just pointing out a fact.”

“Well, how can you point out this fact if you are not judging me?”

“Because it’s an opinion, not a judgment.”

“Opinions are judgments, just labelled differently.”

“Whatever, it doesn’t dismiss the fact that you judge a lot.”

I could tell the conversation was going nowhere and would probably show up again at some point, perhaps right after dinner.

So much has been written about not judging.
Be less judgmental.
Keep an open mind.
Don’t label people.

And yet, human beings seem remarkably committed to doing exactly that.

Whether we call them opinions, observations, conclusions, assumptions, or “just saying,” most of the time we are still classifying and labelling reality. Good. Bad. Smart. Lazy. Difficult. Wrong. Enlightened. Toxic. Safe. Dangerous.

Even calling someone “a very judgmental person” is, unfortunately, a judgment.

It’s almost comical when you start noticing it.

Shakespeare wrote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” That line has survived for hundreds of years because, somewhere deep down, we recognize its truth. We don’t actually experience life directly; we experience our thinking about life.

That includes people.

Especially people.

The interesting thing is that most of us instinctively know judging isn’t usually helpful. We know it creates separation. Defensiveness. Conflict. Yet we still do it before our morning coffee has even kicked in.

Why?

Maybe because judgment is not a character flaw. Maybe it is simply part of how thought works.

The mind is constantly sorting, comparing, measuring, and trying to make sense of the world. It labels things almost automatically. This looks safe. That looks risky. This person agrees with me. That person threatens my view of reality. The system is fast, efficient, and often completely convinced that it is reporting the objective truth.

But thought rarely arrives wearing a nametag that says:

“Warning: This is only one temporary perspective created by your current state of mind.”

That would actually be helpful.

Instead, thoughts arrive sounding authoritative. Final. Certain. Like tiny lawyers presenting closing arguments in the courtroom of our heads.

And once we believe them, the judge enters the room.

What gets especially interesting is how differently we judge depending on our mood or state of mind.

Someone cuts us off in traffic on Tuesday, and they are clearly an inconsiderate idiot.

The same thing happens on Friday after a good sleep, a relaxing walk, and tacos, and suddenly we think:

“Huh. Maybe they’re having a rough day.”

Same event. Different reality.

That alone should make us a little suspicious of our certainty.

We often think we are seeing people clearly, but most of the time we are seeing our thinking about people. And thinking changes. Constantly.

This is why two people can look at the exact same situation and come to completely different conclusions, both absolutely convinced they are right.

One sees confidence. Another sees arrogance.

One sees strength. Another sees control.

One sees honesty. Another sees insensitivity.

The difference is rarely the event itself. It is the invisible thought-created lens through which the event is viewed.

And here’s the part that made me smile during that overheard conversation:

Judging others for judging is still judging.

That realization softens something.

Not because we suddenly become perfect saints floating through life in unconditional acceptance of everyone and everything. Let’s not get carried away.

But maybe we become a little less convinced that every opinion that passes through our minds deserves a courtroom drama, a closing statement, and a life sentence.

Maybe we begin to notice that judgments are often temporary mental weather patterns, not absolute truth.

And perhaps the deeper insight is this:

Underneath all the labels, opinions, and conclusions, there is something in all of us that is far less interested in judging and far more interested in understanding.

When our thinking settles, even briefly, people start to look more human again.

Including ourselves.

Hmmm.

Much Love,

Here are a couple of videos to help deepen your understanding:

The Power of Vulnerability | Brené Brown | TED – It gently points out that judgment often says more about our inner state than about the person in front of us.

Are You Judgemental? | Michael Neill | Audio recording