HAPPY FRIDAY!

We’ve all heard the advice to “trust your gut,” but science is finally catching up to what your digestive system has known all along: when it comes to thinking clearly, sometimes you just need to take a good, old-fashioned dump.

I recently heard a CBC podcast (Quirks and Quarks Voiding your bowels can improve cognitive performance. Click here for podcast) that, according to a recent study in Sports Medicine and Health Science, researchers found that voiding your bowels can enhance cognitive performance. That’s right—doing your business before doing business could give you the mental edge you never knew you needed.

The study revealed that nine out of 13 participants performed better on a mentally taxing cognitive test after relieving themselves, and all 13 improved their performance when they took a mild laxative the night before. A successful trip to the porcelain throne appears to not just lighten the load—it sharpens the mind.

Professor Chia-Hua Kuo from the University of Taipei, one of the leading experts on this groundbreaking (or should we say, movement-based) research, discovered that oxygen consumption increased in the lower GI tract during these cognitive tests. This suggests a previously unsuspected connection between the brain and, well… the back door.

The Brain-Butt Connection: More Than Just a Passing Thought

Before you roll your eyes (or clench your cheeks), consider this: long before we evolved fancy brains capable of debating quantum physics and the correct order to watch Star Wars, our ancestors might have been thinking with a different end entirely. Professor Kuo points to creatures like the sea cucumber, which has no brain yet somehow manages to sense danger and react accordingly—an impressive feat for an animal that spends its entire existence resembling a deflated pool noodle.

If this is true, it means our rectums may have played a far more significant role in our evolutionary decision-making process than we ever imagined. In other words, if you’ve ever had a gut feeling but ignored it, you might have been overriding the wisdom of your most seasoned decision-maker: your own rear end. No buts about it!

A New Era of Cognitive Enhancement

The implications of this research are, quite literally, bottomless. Should we start including bowel movements in productivity hacks? Will top CEOs start implementing “pre-meeting evacuations” as part of their corporate culture? Could schools introduce “poop breaks” before exams to boost student performance? And should we stop ridiculing those who insist on bringing a book into the bathroom? (Spoiler: they might actually be scholars in the making.)

This study also raises some serious questions:

• Have we been constipating our thoughts all along?
• Is “thinking from the seat of your pants” more scientific than we realized?
• Could we call a bad idea a case of “mental indigestion”?
• And most importantly—how do we market this to the self-improvement industry? (“Unclog Your Mind: A Revolutionary Approach to Success.” You’re welcome, publishers.)

Final Flush

So, the next time you find yourself struggling with a difficult decision, feeling mentally blocked, or just generally full of it, remember—your body might be trying to tell you something. We have all experienced not being able to think when we are constipated. Science now confirms what some of us have long suspected: sometimes, the best way to clear your mind is to clear your bowels first.

Go forth and let nature take its course. Your brain (and your gut) will thank you.

And I thank you, friends! Have a Happy Friday, or for that matter, have a Happy Day-period! Just don’t give a crap and see that happens!

Cheers,

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