What If You Got the Past All Wrong?

Imagine (sounds like the opening line in Twilight Zone) you’re scrolling through your memories, replaying a scene from your childhood or a significant moment in your life. You feel the familiar pang of hurt, rejection, or disappointment. It feels real because, in that moment, it was your reality. But what if the meaning you made of it wasn’t the whole story? What if your interpretation of what happened came from a misunderstanding, a misinterpretation shaped by your thinking at the time?

Allow me to share a personal example. Growing up, my Dad never told me he loved me, not in words or gestures. I concluded that I wasn’t loved or good enough. This belief shaped how I saw myself and the world. It drove my behaviour, my relationships, and my sense of worth. I acted as though this belief were an absolute truth. But what if it wasn’t?

Here’s the shift: what if my Dad loved me but didn’t know how to show it? What if he was doing the best he could with the thinking he had in those moments? What if his silence wasn’t about me at all but about his limitations and struggles? Seeing it this way doesn’t rewrite the past, but it does change my experience of it in the present.

This isn’t about putting a happy spin on past events. They are gone and don’t exist except in our heads. This is about the willingness to let go of the perceived truth about the event and be open to something different—an insight. When we’re willing to question our interpretations to explore the possibility that we got the past wrong, we open the door to new understandings. This isn’t about excusing harmful behaviour or pretending things didn’t happen. If someone hurt you, that event is real. If someone said or did something that left a mark, it happened. But the meaning we attach to these events—the story we tell ourselves about what they mean about us or others—is not set in stone. It’s up for grabs.

How is this helpful going forward? Knowing that how I see the world is a perception of my interpretations and may not be based on the real reality of the moment makes me curious. It makes me a skeptic. I ask myself, “Is this the truth, or a reality tainted by my past?” Those are good questions to explore.

We anchor ourselves to a fixed perspective when we hold onto past conclusions. This rigidity can block us from seeing things fresh and new. It keeps us stuck in an old reality, unable to experience a different one. But when we’re willing to question our interpretations, to explore the possibility that we got the past wrong, we open the door to new insights. We allow ourselves to experience life differently—to feel lighter, freer, and more connected.

Take a moment to reflect. Is there a memory or belief from your past that still holds power over you? Could your understanding of it be incomplete or shaped by the lens you wore at the time? What might shift if you saw it differently?

Here’s the beauty of this exploration: you don’t have to force it. Insights come naturally when we’re open to them. As we loosen our grip on old stories, we create space for new understanding to emerge. And with it, the possibility of a new reality—one that serves us better.

How is my relationship with my Dad? It’s different. The shift has opened many avenues of communication with him. I can relax and really enjoy them.

So, what if you got the past all wrong? What might you discover if you were willing to see it anew? Let yourself ponder that and notice what unfolds.

To further this exploration, here are a few YouTube links that you might find interesting.

• Your brain doesn’t detect reality. It creates it. – Lisa Feldman Barrett
• Perceptome, How perceptions create reality – Luis M. Martinez at TEDxBarcelona
• Your Brain Perceived Reality by Hallucinating
• These 9 Illusions Explain How Your Brain Creates Reality
• Reality: How Perception Creates the World – University of Bern

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I hope that you find them helpful, interesting, and worth reading.

All the best,

Want to start a real-time coaching experience? Follow this link to book a free hour with me.
2/100